Today marks the final day of ‘Diabetes Week’; a week aimed at educating and bringing awareness to this condition. I have been a type one diabetic since 1997 and so it felt right that I should add my voice to the annual event.
In all honesty I have only started discussing my diabetes on a more public platform over the past eighteen months. I have been on social media pretty much since its inception but I have always been wary of posting regarding my diabetes for fear of being labelled ‘that annoying diabetic girl.’ Or ‘All she talks about is diabetes’ or ‘People have it far worse than her’ or ‘Doesn’t she have anything else to talk about?’ And then last year I decided (after many years of telling myself I would) to sign up for the Cardiff Half Marathon and raise money for Diabetes UK which would mean than I’d have to talk about it to some extent to encourage people to donate. Since then I have gone from dipping my toe into Facebook groups to following diabetic influencers on Instagram to finally opening up a little bit more about it online. I still worry that it will be my main identifier and I will be seen as someone who just bangs on about how unfortunate they are but I am hoping to carve a career in writing and I feel like writing about my own experiences is an important part of that. I do not wish to position myself as a source of diabetes information or be held as someone who ‘empowers’ diabetics but I would like to offer an insight into what it’s like to live with this condition. As mentioned I was diagnosed in 1997 just before I turned six and vividly remember being picked up from school to go to the hospital where I would stay for days while the doctors and nurses tested, prodded and tried to explain this thing called diabetes to me. Apart from the needles and blood tests I can’t say I hated it because all the kids on the ward were great fun and all my family kept bringing me presents! I have type 1 diabetes which means that my pancreas doesn’t produce any of the hormone insulin. This hormone is released when we eat to control our blood glucose levels, therefore, if I have too much in my system I will go ‘low’ and head towards a hypoglycemia and if I have too little I’ll go ‘high’ and head towards hyperglycemia. Both states are incredibly scary and, rather than bore you with the details, can end in an hospital admission if not treated properly. I think most people who are aware of diabetes know about diabetics going low but a common misconception is that they need to give them insulin. PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS! More insulin in the body will only send them further into hypoglycemia; they need sugar ASAP. I inject myself twice a day with a long lasting insulin that essentially keeps me ticking over and then every time I eat I have to work out how many carbohydrates are in my meal so that I can inject a short acting insulin. For me this includes snacks too so I’m usually injecting at least six times a day including my long lasting. Also, as a little extra insight for you, diabetics can eat whatever they want so never tell them that they can’t! Years ago the general rule was so no sugar at all unless it’s before exercise or to treat a low but new regimes have developed and if we want to eat a full sized birthday cake by ourselves then that is exactly what we’ll be doing thank you very much. Anyway, that’s the (somewhat) science-y bit. My point is it’s not an easy condition by any means and I’m constantly trying to work out how I can maintain good control of my glucose levels. Whenever I have a plate of food in front of me I have to calculate the carbohydrate portions and then work out my insulin ratios (these vary meal to meal for me) and then also consider things like ‘Will I be exercising later?’ or ‘Will I be drinking a few lovely gins after this?’ which all affect how much insulin I need to take. I’m also famously awful at maths so it’s quite the challenge! Lockdown has strangely been a blessing and a curse as I’ve had to really look at my insulin dosage due to my change in routine and as I’ve moved back in with my parents my eating habits have also changed somewhat. However, it has also given me space to learn more about this condition. I have always felt like a bit of a fraud when people ask me about diabetes because I don’t know everything even after twenty-three years and I would never consider myself a ‘good’ diabetic (there’s no such thing FYI but it’s still a trope that a lot of us have in our heads.) Lockdown has meant that I can read so much more and safely experiment with my doses. For example, I’ve discovered that in the morning I am a lot more resistant to insulin than later in the day and so need to leave at least half an hour from injecting before I eat breakfast. I’m not sure I would have given myself the time to trial this is normal life. I’ve also had more time to exercise, which again is both great and a nightmare. As exercise causes you to burn energy it’s a great way of getting rid of extra sugar, however, nothing with diabetes is ever that simple and so sometimes I even find that my glucose goes really high after exercising! Being diabetic can feel like a life of trial and error. It’s relentless and I feel like I will never be at a point where I can say that X or Y works for best for me. I’ll be put on a certain insulin and that seems to work and then after a few years it doesn’t so that needs to be reassessed. Or I start a new job or a new exercise and my whole routine changes causing my diabetes to throw a hissy fit. I have a genuine worry about being pregnant one day and having awful control of my diabetes because the results could be catastrophic. I understand that all I can do is continue to learn and try my best to not let it be my definer. It’s a huge part of me that I didn’t ask for and it has to be respected but I would never want it to be what I’m most remembered for. It could be argued that it’s driven me to achieve a lot of my successes but I like to think it’s more because I’m a determined woman! Diabetes is a hidden condition; the chances are you wouldn’t know someone has it unless they have a sensor on their arm or an insulin pump attached to them, which means that it’s all too easy to dismiss it. So if you do know someone who has diabetes and they are just powering through as if nothing is going on the likelihood is that it’s actually the main subject of their brain, especially if it’s dinner time.
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I adore books. I know; that’s a really shocking statement from an author. I love starting a new story, getting to know the characters and then slowly becoming so obsessed with it that you’d happily ignore family members for a few days so that you can finish it. However, what I don’t love is the pressure that sometimes surrounds reading.
I’ve spoken many blog posts ago about the pressure I have felt in regard to reading classic literature even though they are not stories that I’m usually drawn to and I think that intensity can also be applied more generally. How many times have you seen someone you follow on Instagram tell you that you HAVE to read X, Y or Z? Or when the ‘Top Books of 2020’ type lists are released and you immediately start ticking off the ones you think you should buy? I am not knocking recommendations by any stretch of the imagination; I treasure a friend who tells me of a book they think I’ll enjoy and I really think it’s a gift you can give to someone. Pressure to read is an entirely different beast. During lockdown I have to a certain extent placed this pressure on myself as much as anything or anyone else has. I think a lot of us have thought that this is the perfect time to make our way through our ‘To Read’ lists as, in theory, we have less distractions. I have tried and I’ve managed to tick off two but for some reason that feels like a failure (never mind that I’ve been busy with work and trying to format my own paperback!) However, I think it’s quite clear that time we choose to take off for ourselves is very different from time we are forced to take off. I think the worst part of this ‘reading pressure’s is that it actually comes from ourselves. As much as we want to say that we’ve read a book on the Times bestsellers list does it actually matter if it’s not something we want to read? When I was a child like most of the globe’s ankle biters I was in love with the Harry Potter books. As soon as a new book came out I would beg my mum to make sure she bought it for me asap and then it would almost be a race between my schoolfriends and I as to who could read it first. I vividly remember my mum telling me that I should be reading because I enjoy it, not because I need to run into school and tell my friends that I’ve finished the book. This is something I regularly try to remind myself of. On a personal note I have tried my best to ensure that none of my friends have felt like they have had to read my book. I am so grateful that they want to be supportive and it means so much that so many have proofread or bought the book (and it’s even lovelier when they say they like it) but I understand that it won’t be for everyone. When someone says it’s on their list and they’ll eventually get around to it, I really don’t mind! I would much rather people choose to read it on their own terms, at their own pace and only if they want to. So if like me you are feeling the weight of many an unread book gathering dust on your shelf just relax! The books will still be there when you’re ready to give them your full attention and right now I honestly feel like our priorities should just be to get through the day however feels right for us. Stories are meant to absorbed, explored and, hopefully, enjoyed. The whole experience will be tainted if its motivated by pressure; it’s far better to hunker down with a cuppa and a book when your mind is ready for it. We’re all struggling at the moment and for some people it is a lot harder than others to just survive during lockdown. I may not fully acknowledge it every day (as much as I try but I’m a selfish, flawed human) but I am fully aware of how lucky I am right now. I live in a safe home surrounded by my family with plenty of food and we’re all healthy.
Of course, that doesn’t mean that my head doesn’t regularly want to implode with the overwhelming relentlessness that lockdown brings. I miss dates with my boyfriend, I miss seeing my friends in the flesh, I miss going to dance socials and classes and most of all I miss a good old hug! I honestly think I would hug anyone right now because it has been so long. I want to see all of my nearest and dearest and just embrace them for dear life. One of my best friends had a baby at the beginning of the year and every time I see her on Skype I just want to jump through the screen and give her the world’s biggest cuddle. Nevertheless, I am trying to stay as positive as I can because it doesn’t look like life will be normal for a very long time. I practice gratitude everyday without fail, even though sometimes I don’t feel very grateful and I actually feel better just embracing the sadness I’m feeling, but I have been surprised by some of the things that have given me a moment of happiness. For the purposes of length I am not including Skyping with friends because that’s a whole blog post in itself and they OBVIOUSLY bring me so much happiness! 1.Having my meals cooked for me Just before lockdown was announced I moved back in with my parents and my brother as I’m a type 1 diabetic and knew that I’d feel more comfortable relying on them if shit got real. I’d also really miss not being able to see them and they have a desk so I can work from home without injuring myself! I have tried my best not to regress to my more youthful years but my brother has become quite the chef recently and quite often cooks for us. Despite his passion for putting butter and cream in EVERYTHING it is just really lovely having someone cook for me; it feels so homely and is definitely something I look forward to at the end of the day. 2. Putting on freshly washed leggings We’re all in joggers and leggings now, it’s a fact of life. And when they’ve just been washed and you slip them on the level of comfort is just heaven. See also freshly washed bedding for a similar thrill. 3. A mini lie in I’m fortunate enough to be working from home at the moment which means no commuting for the time being and an extra hour in bed! Follow that up with a cuppa made by my dad on his working from home days and it’s not a bad way to start the day. 4. I have a chance to focus on my diabetes For anyone familiar with diabetes it’s a complete mindfuck of a condition that rarely sticks to the rules it sets itself. I have been trying for years to get better control and it’s a daily struggle but lockdown has actually given me a chance to monitor my sugar levels a lot more closely. I’m really hoping that when this over things will be more stable! 5. I’m exercising more Well, I think I am. I’m not someone who hates exercise but I’m quite picky about what I do. I lean more towards dance based workouts rather than burpees, lunges, weights etc. and so I’ve found a really good YouTube channel (The Fitness Marshall) to keep me busy throughout lockdown. I started doing it because I felt I had to do something and then it went from that to ‘well it fills a gap in my day’ to now being something that I look forward to doing as much as possible. This isn’t just for my physical health but as someone who loves dancing it gives me an hour of just doing something fun which can be hard to find right now. I’ve also been trying to keep up with swing dancing/solo jazz which is a big passion of mine so shout out to Cardiff based The Swing Project for the incredible online classes (go check them out!) 6. Being able to format my paperback Like everyone else I have had a lot more time on my hands which means I’ve finally been able to sit down and format my paperback. Turns out it isn’t as scary as I thought and should be finished very soon! 7. So much more cake My mother is a strong advocate for nearly always eating a piece of cake when you have a cup of tea. It’s very rare these days that the kettle goes on without a ‘Do you want anything with this, love?’ and the cupboards are well stocked with a variety of baked goods. I love that woman. N.B Yes, diabetics can eat cake. Never ask a diabetic if they can eat something or they will eat you. I was recently sat down with my family enjoying a curry while we watched something nondescript on the television. An advert for the recently adapted ‘Noughts and Crosses’ television series appeared (it’s incredible, by the way, please go watch it) and it just so happened that I was reading a book that I thought would make an excellent television show which made me think this would make a most excellent blog post.
I’d just like to clarify that television and film are not superior to books and vice versa; I truly believe that all these forms provide different types of audience experience that help them engage with a text in a special way that is unique to them. In fact, there was one particular book I wanted to place on this list but I just think it’s too perfect as it is (of course I’m not a television and/or film producer so what do I know?!) Below are a few books that I love and think would make great television programmes or films, please feel free to add your own. As you will see once you start reading, my literature interests are somewhat varied… The Time Rep Series by Peter Ward I absolutely love this series and have followed it since the first book, ‘Time Rep,’ came out in 2013. The story focuses on Geoffrey Stamp, a 21st century dwelling male, who is recruited by a company called Time Tours from the 31st century to act as a travel guide to tourists from the future. The series consists of three books and each one is silly, suspenseful and sci-fi goodness in equal measure. His writing is very reminiscent of Douglas Adams, which I particularly enjoyed in the most recent book ‘Time Rep: Pandemonium’ as his digs at popular television shows and Brexit genuinely made me chuckle. I can definitely see this working as a television series as there’s so many elements to it than can be explored and amplified. I’d love to see how the various time periods would come to life and the scrapes the characters would find themselves in. I’m just a sucker for a time traveller story. Who’s That Girl? by Mhairi McFarlane I could have picked any of McFarlane’s books to put on this list; her characters are so relatable and they have some of the most believable dialogue I’ve ever read, even though they always seem to be in pretty unbelievable situations. I chose ‘Who’s That Girl?’ because the central character, Edie, is sarcastic, intelligent, hilarious and basically everything I love about a female lead. She also goes through some shit and handles it like a boss (and by that I mean she still expresses and acknowledges emotion without the bastards fully getting her down, so to speak. Women don’t have to be an emotionally void robot to be empowering, see previous blog posts.) The main premise of the book is that Edie attends a colleague’s wedding and ends up kissing the groom; chaos ensues and she ends up moving back to her hometown of Nottingham in a bid to hide away from the bullies. It’s such an accurate portrayal of how women are treated in society while still being really bloody funny. And it’s one of the sweetest romance stories you’ll ever read. I know the rom-com seems to be dead or a dirty word these days but I think that this book has the potential to bring the genre firmly up to date. Edie is a wonderful romantic heroine and, yes, she does conform to some tropes because it is a romance novel but I never feel like she’s a victim of the genre and is the kind of character I’d like to see more of on screen. Boy: Tales of Childhood and Going Solo by Roald Dahl Why hasn’t anyone made a biography about this incredible human’s life?! Just why? The man had one of the most adventurous and interesting lives to have ever existed from the moment he was born and I know that I would be running to buy a ticket if his story ever made it to the big screen. For anyone who has read the books the ‘Great Mouse Plot of 1924’ is a particular standout moment that would just be brilliant on the big screen as well as his time as a fighter pilot in WWII. And can you imagine all of that with some Quentin Blake illustrations thrown in, too? Magical. Just someone go make this, please. It’s been two weeks since ‘The Arben Bridge’ was released on Kindle and I am so very grateful for the response so far. Admittedly I am yet to sell millions of copies but those that have read the book and given feedback have been overwhelmingly supportive. I’m currently attempting to format the paperback so hopefully that will be on its way very soon!
I must be honest, trying to think of new ideas for blog posts is something I am struggling with. I want to stay current and interesting as well as promote the book without being super contrived which is really hard! For someone who works in marketing and likes to think they have a way with words, selling myself has never been my forte. However, while scrolling my various social media apps trying to think of a new topic I thought some of you may be interested in how I developed the city of Miraylia as it’s so central to the plot. Don’t worry, there won’t be any spoilers! Firstly, I’d really like to tell you how I came up with the name but I’m afraid I can’t remember! I spent a lot of time putting random bits of words together to make new words and using Google translate to look for these words in other languages, too. Like a lot of the book I tended to just make decisions that felt right to me, which is what made the whole writing experience so enjoyable in all honesty, and one day I said ‘Miraylia’ and it stuck. I also think it looks ‘pretty’ as a word and I struggle to write stories when I’m not absolutely certain that a name fits in with the piece (don’t even get me started on how long it took to name the characters…) Anyway, as the book is a fantasy fiction and somewhat of a tribute to the mythologies of Wales and its language I also wanted something that I felt could fit into this language. Whether Welsh speakers agree or not is another thing! In terms of its look this was surprisingly clear very early on. The initial idea for the book was the result of a dream I had; I saw a row of guards lined up on an ancient bridge all seemingly disappearing into thin air (if anyone would like to tell me what trauma this relates to, please feel free) and, I don’t know about you, but I often get a ‘feeling’ from dreams and this one was giving definite bohemian vibes. When I first started writing my characters and plot lines, despite not having visited these cities, I thought that the buildings of Budapest, Barcelona and other famous European cities would be a perfect fit and so I started trawling through Pinterest straight away. I wanted this city to have windy cobbled streets, multicoloured buildings, vibrant markets and all the romantic imagery of a European city from yesteryear. I also wanted the reader to imagine that the city had the potential to be a sight for the supernatural and these types of cities have always evoked a sense of fairy-tale magic to me. I was later lucky enough to visit both Barcelona and Budapest as well as Vienna and as soon as I began to explore I knew I had been on the money. I can’t say I know anything about architecture but I fell in love with almost every building I passed in these cities; even the Aldis in Vienna are a work of art. A close friend of mine who has read the book said she also pictured Edinburgh and I think the paved streets and old timey buildings would be a perfect fit in Miraylia. I found creating a fictional city not only fun but completely liberating; I allowed myself to create a place that I’d like to live in and there were no rules in how it looked or functioned unless I enforced them. I cannot speak for other writers but I do think that when you’re creating something you have to put a piece of yourself into it otherwise you won’t know how it works or feel passionate about it and if you’re not passionate how in the hell are you going to keep writing about it? For example, even though I haven’t marked out a map of the city and named every residence or shop in Miraylia if you were to ask me if X or Y existed there I would be able to give you an answer with absolute certainty. A few weeks ago, I wrote the acknowledgement section of my book. This was a very strange experience as I’d never written one before and trying to find the words to appropriately express how grateful I am towards certain people seemed like a mammoth task. I felt like a fake writer and my imposter syndrome was at an all-time high. However, due to current circumstances my mind has kept going back to those words.
I don’t need to tell you how scary things are at the moment, you can just pick up your phone and it will be there, but through the cracks of the panic and negativity there are beams of positivity and community shining through. Every time I see someone post on Facebook a new way for us to interact with each other, whether it’s free online workouts, a gig in the kitchen or someone offering to check in on their neighbours, I can’t help but think ‘Ha ha, fuck you coronavirus!’ Every morning as I drive into work (this has now been replaced with me walking from my bedroom to my dad’s study) I recite all the things I’m grateful for, from the little to the large, and it’s an excellent way to remind myself that even when things are really, exceptionally shit I’ve still got amazing people in my life and I’m fortunate in so many ways. I’ll be honest, it doesn’t always work but even if it only makes me feel better for ten minutes I like to class it as a win. This is why I think there is no point in waiting for my book to be released in order to praise the people who helped make it a reality. We’re all doing our best to keep our chins up and not go stir crazy because, somehow, you’ve found yourself back in your childhood home and there isn’t a single bloody drawer for you to put your socks in. I want to do all I can to put some cheesy, smooshy, lovely positivity out there and hope that this blog post makes the below people smile for just a second. You are the toppest of the top bananas and this is for you: ‘This is the first time I have ever written one of these things and it's possibly one of the most surreal writing experiences I've ever had. Nevertheless, people need to be thanked and thanked they shall! Firstly, I would like to thank you, dear reader, for taking a chance on this book. I know how many authors are out there, especially indie authors, and the fact that you chose to read this story, which has been in my head for oh so long, is incredibly humbling. A massive thank you must also go to Becky Sandy for creating the beautiful covers for this book and being the first person ever to read any version of this story. Becky, not only are you insanely talented but it is a complete pleasure to know you. To everyone who read the book and gave me notes (Bex, Emily, Alex and Elen) you are all so brilliant and kind. Sending a piece of writing to people who know you is next level nerve wracking but you all gave me the confidence to finally publish this work and I know it's better for it. Mark and Charlotte, you didn't know this at the time but it is thanks to working with you (allbeit for a short period) that you gifted me with the lesson of 'put yourself out there and see what happens.' I have no doubt that this change in thinking is what led me to decide to finally publish this book. Finally, I have to end this list by thanking my family. This book is dedicated to my grandparents; they helped to shape so much of who I am and I will miss them forever so I hope that this is a worthy tribute. They are built into almost every page of this book. To my parents and Ieuan, all I can say is thank you for continuing to put up with my shit and supporting me in a way that is impossible to fully comprehend or explain. You are amazing.’ I’m sure you’re aware that today is International Women’s Day; a day created to encourage conversations surrounding the empowerment and growth of women in society. I have been a feminist since aged two when my mother walked into the living room one day to find me watching Mary Poppins and marching around shouting “Well done, Sister Suffragette! Votes for women!” (a very famous story in the Rees household, fyi) and so it really was inevitable that I’d be very vocal about women’s rights later in life. I also now feel that it was inevitable that I would be drawn to writing about women; I used to feel guilty about only female protagonists appearing in my mind but now I fully embrace it.
I honestly believe that prose is one of the only mediums that has allowed female characters the space to explore their glorious multifaceted personalities. In no way am I pitting novels against film and television because I adore them all but I guarantee if you were asked to reel off a list of fictious women who don’t fit a female stereotype (of which there are many and that issue requires a whole other blog post) the majority of the list would be from novels. I feel like they’re allowed the time to be messy, hilarious, disgusting and everything in between rather than racing through the story beats. One of the tropes I have always struggled wit is that of a ‘strong female character’ because in theory it seems like an ideal I would want my characters to strive towards. They can hold their own against the men folk, they don’t measure their self-worth against their looks and, generally speaking, engage in the things that are seen as more masculine. I find this complicated and confusing because we all know that women can both embrace traditional femininity or completely reject it and still be ‘strong.’ What the hell does ‘strong’ mean anyway? Does she have to be able to bench press 200 kilos? Remain calm when tragedy is surrounding her? Not yell at the prick who just catcalled her? Can she not just be? I think that perhaps the term was coined to please both men who may be scared off by a female protagonist and to also attract women who are, rightly so, fed up of decades of one dimensional portrayals. When creating my protagonist for The Arben Bridge I was very aware of this trope being attributed to her and it was something I felt a little uneasy about. I wanted to create a character who was a fighter but not because she was surrounded by gender politics but because it’s a requirement for her job (and she’s just mad keen on fighting in all honesty.) She’s physically strong and mentally strong because that is simply the way she is and if she wasn’t she would probably be sacked. Of course, this in itself is a contrived decision on my behalf. I’m not self-righteous enough to believe that I can change the world but I am confident enough in my own beliefs that I would find it impossible to write about a character that I don’t want women to invest in, understand and maybe even relate to. In that vein, I would like to introduce you all to Tarley Anwen Hillis. She’s been living in my head for six years and I am completely in love with her. She has her flaws like all people but is a determined and dangerously curious character. There’s no such thing as International Women’s Day in her world because it’s not needed and I hope that if you gift me with taking the time to read her story you will see why. We’re all back into the swing of things now, aren’t we? The first working week of 2020 is done, the determination we had when we started our New Year diets is being tested and, in fact, all the goals that we attached to #NewYearNewMe are on a very tentative see-saw.
Last year I thought I would get my book published, however, a lot of life ‘stuff’ got in the way, most notably me signing up to the Cardiff Half Marathon and so due to needing A LOT of training, my Year of the Book became Year of the Run. I don’t regret this at all; I had always wanted to run it and I’m proud that I did but my biggest passion has always been writing and so this inevitably had to go on the back burner for a little bit. Now I’ve finally had my novel proofread by some fantastic people, it’s been edited and now it’s ready to be published! Have I been making inroads to do that? Well, umm, sort of… The problem is that all that life stuff keeps popping up again and it’s making me feel endlessly guilty. I’ve signed up to another 10k running event, which is imminent and requires more training, there’s the obvious everyday going to work thing and trying to make sure I make time for the special people in my life. Of course, this is ‘stuff’ that has to be done and I enjoy it but this does usually mean that I’m too low on time or too knackered to sit down and fry my brain with how to format a book for publishing. AND I FEEL SO BLOODY GUILTY! For example, I was pretty much bed bound yesterday due to illness and I even felt guilty that I wasn’t using this time to work on the book. Instead I chose to sleep and rest which is obviously the logical and sensible thing to do, yet it felt wrong. I’m fully aware that the only reason for this guilt is myself. I know I have people who are excited for my book to be released but is anyone really wetting themselves with anticipation as I dilly dally with getting it done? Or as stressed about my lack of blogging as I am? Probably not. I’m the one who is desperate to get my book out there and the more ‘Dreams Only Work if You Do’ memes I see or ‘Girl Wins Awesome Prize at Awesome Thing Aged 5 Months Old’ news stories I read the more guilt I feel. So, dearest reader, here is my confession. I feel guilty as fuck all the time. I feel guilty for feeling guilty and also feel guilty for not thinking ‘fuck this feeling guilty thing.’ It’s a lot to handle and I doubt it’s going to go away but all I can do is fit in what I can and hope that one day you’ll see my name stamped on a book that you’d perhaps quite like to buy. This blog post may seem out of place on a writer’s website but it’s Mental Health Awareness Week and as it’s something I’m very passionate about I feel like it warrants a few words.
To me the term ‘mental health’ is getting confused with ‘mental health illness’ and anyone who is suffering from the latter seems to get tarred with the former. I think it’s important to recognise that every single person on the planet has mental health; it’s a huge part of what makes you tick, just like all those vital organs squished inside your body! Our thoughts, both good and bad, are with us every day and I’m a firm believer that we must listen to them. I’ve had various issues with my mental health over the years, some of it has been because I suffer with diabetes and other times there’s been issues with loneliness and a whole bunch of other not so fun stuff. One of my main ‘quirks’ shall we say is that I am able to worry about EVERYTHING. I can stress about the big things like money and my career but I can also get pretty het up about how many runs I can fit in this week or if I’ve got enough washed socks. I know how it sounds. I’m always trying to find out how best to cope when I’m in one of those moods and often sitting down and working on a piece of writing is a huge release for me. Not only do I lose myself in a world I’m creating but I also get a little sense of achievement. As someone who has always been driven by achieving a goal (rightly or wrongly) even just nailing a paragraph I’ve been struggling to write for a while can put a huge smile on my face and get me out of my head. Other times I just want to binge watch Brooklyn Nine-Nine, not talk to a single soul and allow myself to regroup. But writing is definitely what gives me a buzz and even more so since I’ve let some of my crazy ideas out into the world. The response I’ve had since asking for proof-readers has just been so overwhelmingly lovely that I’ve almost been in tears (I also tend to get irrationally emotional when people are nice to me, it’s super inconvenient) and such a surprise. I definitely underestimated how many people would be more than happy to help me just because I asked. And what does this have to do with Mental Health Awareness Week? Well, at the risk of sounding preachy/cheesy/self-riotous and all the other sanctimonious words that come to mind I think that despite what the media may have you believe we are all still part of a community, whether we know it and believe it or not. It could be as small as just you and your partner or it could be that weekly yoga class you’ve been going to for years. Either way, my point is (I promise I’ll get to it) if you’re feeling low or just not quite yourself please get in touch with someone. You don’t even necessarily have to tell them everything that’s going on, I know how hard that can be, but it’s important to reach out in some way. As my incredibly wise mother has said to me; you owe it to yourself to feel good. P.S It’s also worth checking out https://www.mind.org.uk/! No it's not Shady, it's me. Sorry. And when I say 'back' I just mean that I've started blogging again, which isn't that dramatic really.
Anyway, a lot has happened since my last post (which you'd like to hope as it's been five years!) and so blogging and website management has definitely been put on the back burner. Not only have I undertaken three 'grown up' jobs but I've moved house a few times, been on some brilliant holidays, made so many new friends and generally just had a bit more of a life than I did five years ago. I could give you more details but some parts are quite depressing and who actually has the time? I also wrote a new book, that seems like something I should mention. The last time I wrote a post I had finished my first book, Enkindled, and was trying to convince an agent to take it on, which in truth I wasn't ready for. But while I was doing that I also had an idea for a new book that just wouldn't go away. I'd actually had it for years, I think it was even on my mind before Enkindled but I chose to ignore it, and slowly I found that characters and plots were forming so I had to write it down. While I was undertaking an internship five years ago I managed to write this book and, again, I was young and naive and tried to shop it around when it wasn't ready. But even though I've dipped in and out of rewriting and editing it as my life has moved on, it's never gone away and now I'm finally confident enough in it for the world to (hopefully) read it. Of course, I'm still worried that it sucks and everyone will hate it. I'm worried about the trolls that now exist and I'm worried that people I love will read it and have to lie to my face, pretending it's good when it's actually bloody awful. But that's the risk you have to take, I suppose. This time my aim is to self-publish it. My dream is still to have a book on the shelves of Waterstones and hopefully this may be the start of that journey but actually what I really want is this story that I've had in my head for years to finally be out in the world and I'm really excited about it! I just need some proof readers and a front cover and I'm good to go (eeek!) So please do watch this space and I will try my very best to be the entertaining, witty and endearing person that I like to believe I am in real life. |
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