Today marks the final day of ‘Diabetes Week’; a week aimed at educating and bringing awareness to this condition. I have been a type one diabetic since 1997 and so it felt right that I should add my voice to the annual event.
In all honesty I have only started discussing my diabetes on a more public platform over the past eighteen months. I have been on social media pretty much since its inception but I have always been wary of posting regarding my diabetes for fear of being labelled ‘that annoying diabetic girl.’ Or ‘All she talks about is diabetes’ or ‘People have it far worse than her’ or ‘Doesn’t she have anything else to talk about?’ And then last year I decided (after many years of telling myself I would) to sign up for the Cardiff Half Marathon and raise money for Diabetes UK which would mean than I’d have to talk about it to some extent to encourage people to donate. Since then I have gone from dipping my toe into Facebook groups to following diabetic influencers on Instagram to finally opening up a little bit more about it online. I still worry that it will be my main identifier and I will be seen as someone who just bangs on about how unfortunate they are but I am hoping to carve a career in writing and I feel like writing about my own experiences is an important part of that. I do not wish to position myself as a source of diabetes information or be held as someone who ‘empowers’ diabetics but I would like to offer an insight into what it’s like to live with this condition. As mentioned I was diagnosed in 1997 just before I turned six and vividly remember being picked up from school to go to the hospital where I would stay for days while the doctors and nurses tested, prodded and tried to explain this thing called diabetes to me. Apart from the needles and blood tests I can’t say I hated it because all the kids on the ward were great fun and all my family kept bringing me presents! I have type 1 diabetes which means that my pancreas doesn’t produce any of the hormone insulin. This hormone is released when we eat to control our blood glucose levels, therefore, if I have too much in my system I will go ‘low’ and head towards a hypoglycemia and if I have too little I’ll go ‘high’ and head towards hyperglycemia. Both states are incredibly scary and, rather than bore you with the details, can end in an hospital admission if not treated properly. I think most people who are aware of diabetes know about diabetics going low but a common misconception is that they need to give them insulin. PLEASE DO NOT DO THIS! More insulin in the body will only send them further into hypoglycemia; they need sugar ASAP. I inject myself twice a day with a long lasting insulin that essentially keeps me ticking over and then every time I eat I have to work out how many carbohydrates are in my meal so that I can inject a short acting insulin. For me this includes snacks too so I’m usually injecting at least six times a day including my long lasting. Also, as a little extra insight for you, diabetics can eat whatever they want so never tell them that they can’t! Years ago the general rule was so no sugar at all unless it’s before exercise or to treat a low but new regimes have developed and if we want to eat a full sized birthday cake by ourselves then that is exactly what we’ll be doing thank you very much. Anyway, that’s the (somewhat) science-y bit. My point is it’s not an easy condition by any means and I’m constantly trying to work out how I can maintain good control of my glucose levels. Whenever I have a plate of food in front of me I have to calculate the carbohydrate portions and then work out my insulin ratios (these vary meal to meal for me) and then also consider things like ‘Will I be exercising later?’ or ‘Will I be drinking a few lovely gins after this?’ which all affect how much insulin I need to take. I’m also famously awful at maths so it’s quite the challenge! Lockdown has strangely been a blessing and a curse as I’ve had to really look at my insulin dosage due to my change in routine and as I’ve moved back in with my parents my eating habits have also changed somewhat. However, it has also given me space to learn more about this condition. I have always felt like a bit of a fraud when people ask me about diabetes because I don’t know everything even after twenty-three years and I would never consider myself a ‘good’ diabetic (there’s no such thing FYI but it’s still a trope that a lot of us have in our heads.) Lockdown has meant that I can read so much more and safely experiment with my doses. For example, I’ve discovered that in the morning I am a lot more resistant to insulin than later in the day and so need to leave at least half an hour from injecting before I eat breakfast. I’m not sure I would have given myself the time to trial this is normal life. I’ve also had more time to exercise, which again is both great and a nightmare. As exercise causes you to burn energy it’s a great way of getting rid of extra sugar, however, nothing with diabetes is ever that simple and so sometimes I even find that my glucose goes really high after exercising! Being diabetic can feel like a life of trial and error. It’s relentless and I feel like I will never be at a point where I can say that X or Y works for best for me. I’ll be put on a certain insulin and that seems to work and then after a few years it doesn’t so that needs to be reassessed. Or I start a new job or a new exercise and my whole routine changes causing my diabetes to throw a hissy fit. I have a genuine worry about being pregnant one day and having awful control of my diabetes because the results could be catastrophic. I understand that all I can do is continue to learn and try my best to not let it be my definer. It’s a huge part of me that I didn’t ask for and it has to be respected but I would never want it to be what I’m most remembered for. It could be argued that it’s driven me to achieve a lot of my successes but I like to think it’s more because I’m a determined woman! Diabetes is a hidden condition; the chances are you wouldn’t know someone has it unless they have a sensor on their arm or an insulin pump attached to them, which means that it’s all too easy to dismiss it. So if you do know someone who has diabetes and they are just powering through as if nothing is going on the likelihood is that it’s actually the main subject of their brain, especially if it’s dinner time.
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