Absolutely everyone on the planet, particularly the British population, has a visit from The Doubt Monster. It is a grey, messy beast that feeds off your knock backs in life and excretes uncertainty all over your brain until you're not even sure if that cup of tea you just drank was a good idea. Coincidentally, I did just drink a cup of tea and it was a good idea.
Like most writers my book has been rejected by a few agencies by now, which wasn't a huge surprise by any means, and my quest to find a job that makes me feel like I have some purpose in life is proving futile in the extreme. I just don't know what to do or to feel to be perfectly honest. In terms of my book, The Doubt Monster is rampant in its hunger to put me off selling it to more book agencies. "Are you sure this is good enough?" It asks, "Do you really think you're meant to be a writer? Maybe you should try something else, although that might fail, too." All in all, I've been asking myself a lot of questions recently about my book and whether I should make some serious changes to the plot and characters or even if I should continue to try and get it published. Rejection is par for the course when it comes to writing, I know that. But when it feels like everything you have applied for over the past six months, both jobs and agents, has been with energy and vigor and is basically amounting to nothing it's hard not to feel a little down. In my heart of hearts I still adore my idea for Enkindled and I just hope that there is one person out there who is willing to take a chance on it. I'm always open to developing and changing its concept, providing that I approve of the suggestions, and so I know that I have to keep telling myself not to give up. I do have other ideas I wish to explore, as mentioned in a previous post, and there is one that I'm giving some serious thought to as writing as a book. Although this feels like I might be giving up on Enkindled, I know that I have to get it written down and who knows what will come of that? It might turn out to be rubbish, it could be my best work yet but it could also inspire new ways to approach Enkindled. Everyone has their down moments in life, particularly those of us who consider ourselves to be creative types, but, for me, I think the best way to fend off The Doubt Monster for as long as possible is to just keep writing about the things that I love. I know that I want to be a published writer more than anything and the only way that can happen is if I write something, stopping now when I'm just getting started would be a resounding victory for The Doubt Monster and we just can't have that.
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