No it's not Shady, it's me. Sorry. And when I say 'back' I just mean that I've started blogging again, which isn't that dramatic really.
Anyway, a lot has happened since my last post (which you'd like to hope as it's been five years!) and so blogging and website management has definitely been put on the back burner. Not only have I undertaken three 'grown up' jobs but I've moved house a few times, been on some brilliant holidays, made so many new friends and generally just had a bit more of a life than I did five years ago. I could give you more details but some parts are quite depressing and who actually has the time? I also wrote a new book, that seems like something I should mention. The last time I wrote a post I had finished my first book, Enkindled, and was trying to convince an agent to take it on, which in truth I wasn't ready for. But while I was doing that I also had an idea for a new book that just wouldn't go away. I'd actually had it for years, I think it was even on my mind before Enkindled but I chose to ignore it, and slowly I found that characters and plots were forming so I had to write it down. While I was undertaking an internship five years ago I managed to write this book and, again, I was young and naive and tried to shop it around when it wasn't ready. But even though I've dipped in and out of rewriting and editing it as my life has moved on, it's never gone away and now I'm finally confident enough in it for the world to (hopefully) read it. Of course, I'm still worried that it sucks and everyone will hate it. I'm worried about the trolls that now exist and I'm worried that people I love will read it and have to lie to my face, pretending it's good when it's actually bloody awful. But that's the risk you have to take, I suppose. This time my aim is to self-publish it. My dream is still to have a book on the shelves of Waterstones and hopefully this may be the start of that journey but actually what I really want is this story that I've had in my head for years to finally be out in the world and I'm really excited about it! I just need some proof readers and a front cover and I'm good to go (eeek!) So please do watch this space and I will try my very best to be the entertaining, witty and endearing person that I like to believe I am in real life.
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I don't know many writers and those that I do know are yet to be published or have their work widely known. However, I do know that we all have different approaches to writing and yet we all feel the unique and consuming pressure that writing brings. Even when you're not a world renowned author or even have the slightest inclination for other people to read your work, I can guarantee that if you enjoy writing you constantly feel pressure over the words you select and the story you choose to tell.
Whilst writing Enkindled I was constantly asking myself if a certain plot was the right way to go or if my character should look a certain way to represent a certain group of people or even if I should go against the grain entirely just for the sake of it. And don't even get me started on choosing characters' names! I have always known that I have had this tendency to question everything I do but when I began writing my latest book, an idea that I'd had for years and seemed unable to escape, I was shocked to learn that I could actually write instinctively. I only had the smallest of ideas to begin with, which is a scary thing in itself as there are so many avenues you can go down when you only have the bare bones of a concept, but as I began to think of characters, settings and plots I found that rather than questioning myself I just wrote what felt right. Of course, I still question plots and characters (especially their bloody names) but what writer with any worth doesn't do that? However, as the plot has grown and threatens to become its own, ever evolving monster, I have thoroughly enjoyed just going with whatever I think suits the story. The problem with fantasy is that it is such an established genre with its own rules and worlds that it's difficult to create a unique story that still appeals to those that like to get lost in that universe. I think the answer to this dilemma is to just forget about the people who might read it and focus on the person who is definitely going to read it: myself. I like the world I'm creating, the characters I'm falling in love with and a story that seems to be taking on its own life without much help from me. I'm excited to see where it goes and, even though I've planned the whole thing, as soon as I start typing away just a single line of dialogue or description can make me think about the entire plot in a new way. Writing instinctively may be risky in that I'm not sticking to a tried and tested formula or even a rigid plan but writing something that I'm not completely happy with (or at least mostly happy with, who is ever completely happy with their work?!) will be a reward in itself. I still like Enkindled but when an idea takes over and demands to be written what else can you do but just go with your gut? Things are quite exciting for me at the moment as I've managed to land myself a very nice job and so I have to move away from my childhood home once again. With this comes the inevitable task of packing, which always seems to coincide with me finally realising that I need to throw away a lot of things that for years I have convinced myself I still need. Yes, my name is Ellie Rees and I'm a hoarder. A book hoarder in particular.
Like most people who love books the idea of throwing them out feels like a crime and so the only other option I have is to either sell them or give them to charity. Either way, I have to part with them and its one of the toughest break ups you can go through. If I had my way I would have kept every single book I've ever owned in an underground library but it's very hard to find houses with that kind of special feature and my mum would only turn in to a lounge, anyway. However, I've been going through a lot of the books that I had as a teen today just to double check that I was certain about giving them away. I haven't read them for years but books like Louise Rennison's Georgia Nicholls series and numerous Jacqueline Wilson books were staples for me growing up and I re-read them numerous times. I understand how many people like me would want to hold on to them no matter what, convince themselves that they'll give them to their children one day or even read the books themselves. But I've realised that as much as I want a massive underground library one day, passing on a story is something very special and unique. It's not like giving someone a piece of jewelry; a book has the potential to change how someone thinks or views the world and, quite often, the reason we can't part with a book is because it has affected us so much. So I've given myself a rule; if I think about giving the book away and too many memories come flooding back or the idea truly upsets me, then I keep it BUT if I feel that I can give the book away, hoping that someone else will gain something from it, then I put it in the charity bag. Some books like Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (the first novel I ever read) or Harry Potter (the book that affirmed my love of reading) or One Day (a book with a character that I identified with like no other) I know that I couldn't give away even though I could quite easily buy another copy. Your copy of a book that influenced you so much is always going to be tied up with those emotions unlike the crisp copies you'll see in Waterstones. And I think that's great, books are all about emotions, but if you can bring yourself to part with a good book, even if it's just to lend it to someone, who knows what you'll be sparking. Otherwise I suggest an e-reader, they're easier to store and no one will expect you to lend them your copy of a book. |
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